I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
