We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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