The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
