in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
