My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
