The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hippo gnu deer
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
