Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
