Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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