smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
