first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
