Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
