At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
