just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
