May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
