A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Rumble strips road head = magical
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
