is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
