If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize