What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
