it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
