Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize