My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
