hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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