I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
