Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Define "chronic" masturbator.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
