you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
