i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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