True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
you made out with another girl for some wings
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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