is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
