halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize