guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
