Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
someone owes me an orgasm
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
