bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish I only lived at night.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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