We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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