do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
