I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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