Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
