just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
