My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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