we have officially lost it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
