I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize