I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
