I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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