Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
