you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
