please come you make the beer taste better
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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