Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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