You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
