i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Green mimosas i think yes
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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