I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
