I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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