Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
