I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
