He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
