the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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