So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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