new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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