17 year olds will be the death of me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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