found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
