i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
