You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
