Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
