I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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