I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
