why didn't you poke me back
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
