It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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