And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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