Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
