my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
