my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
