The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
