Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
